123 - No Secret Secretions. And Taping That - Therapeutically

This episode: Get your secretions to work for you! Learn the secret seduction technique to get all the broken women your friends know! Plus: Connecticut People Problems

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Host 

• Monica Hamburg ( http://MonicaHamburg.com )


• Voice site: http://MonicaHamburgVoice.com
•  Email: monica (at ) dazedandconvicted (dot) com
• @MonicaHamburg 

--Notes--

• The worst logo ever (& a contest!): http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/ 

• These are the pictures I sent him...: http://instagram.com/p/ypIZ3CIM0q/ 

--Find All Episodes--

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @DazedConvicted, 
Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

Subscribe - options
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
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--Credits-- 

Current Logo-- (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

MUSIC & SFX:

Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .

Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0

Episode Photo (Below) = "Survey Check List" by Circe Denyer  

122 - Act Someone Else’s Heart Out or Get Murdered via App

This time: Let your bottom pay for your indiscretions, don’t let your waste go to waste, kill a marriage with your acting and find out how to make a violent situation even worse!

Plus: Detailed erotica. With the wrong kind of details.

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Host 

• Monica Hamburg ( http://MonicaHamburg.com )


• Voice site: http://MonicaHamburgVoice.com
•  Email: monica (at ) dazedandconvicted (dot) com
• @MonicaHamburg 

--Notes--

• The worst logo ever (& a contest!): http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/ 

• These are the pictures I sent him...: http://instagram.com/p/ypIZ3CIM0q/ 

--Find All Episodes--

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @DazedConvicted, 
Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

Subscribe - options
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

--Credits-- 

Current Logo-- (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

MUSIC & SFX:

Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .

Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0

Episode Photo (Below) = "Checking IPhone" by shoko araki

121 - Beware the Fast Food Floozies and Project Exploitation Renovation

This episode: Fulfill your creepy fantasy or get clean... with some strings attached.  Craigslist is always there to help!

Also, join me for the joys of online dating - including a trip through Tinder...

Plus: Suicidal subway drivers and slutty Wendy's workers!

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Host 

• Monica Hamburg ( http://MonicaHamburg.com )


• Voice site: http://MonicaHamburgVoice.com
•  Email: monica (at ) dazedandconvicted (dot) com
• @MonicaHamburg 

--Notes--

• The worst logo ever (& a contest!): http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/ 

• These are the pictures I sent him...: http://instagram.com/p/ypIZ3CIM0q/ 

--Find All Episodes--

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @DazedConvicted, 
Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

Subscribe - options
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

--Credits-- 

Current Logo-- (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

MUSIC & SFX:

Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .

Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0

Sound effect: "Gunshots" - by Kleeb from Freesound.org 

Episode Photo (Below) = "Eye Looking" (Public Domain)

120 - Loonie Roomie and the Cryin' Sea Quest

Optimum insanity this time: A guy tries to mask one socially unacceptable sexual fantasy by pretending it's another... socially unacceptable sexual fantasy - plus: a super stressful roommate option and a woman seeking musical accompaniment to her deep lyrics.   

And: My transit experience!
I will keep the contest up for eternity, as it brings me such joy: Draw a worse logo of than the one this Fiverr guy drew of me. ( http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/  )

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Host 

• Monica Hamburg ( http://MonicaHamburg.com )


• Voice site: http://MonicaHamburgVoice.com
•  Email: monica (at ) dazedandconvicted (dot) com
• @MonicaHamburg 

--Notes--

• The worst logo ever (& a contest!): http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/ 

• These are the pictures I sent him...: http://instagram.com/p/ypIZ3CIM0q/
• I also mention a terrible date I had a teen. I tell it on an episode of "The Lapse".

--Find All Episodes--

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @DazedConvicted, 
Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

Subscribe - options
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

--Credits-- 

Current Logo-- (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

MUSIC & SFX:

Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .

Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0

Episode Photo (Below) = "Listening to Music" by Petr Kratochvil

Gourmet Bedrooms for the Open Mature in Your Life

I received the following request on Twitter.







And I am nothing if not kind and helpful.

So I gave it a quick once-over. Originally, I thought there was some kind of "Mr. Subliminal" thing going on but, upon a second glance, it all made perfect sense:

"landscaping large garden signature w/garbage"

 Firstly, it's autographed by the garden, which is a nice. personal touch.

Then the garbage factor is also very positive. In a lot of these homes you have to bring in C.H.U.D.s

"sq. ft. walk in on hookups"

You can let the square/conservative fraternity guys you find on Tinder walk right in, rather using the same sewer the C.H.U.D.s come in through.

"with french BR 2 amenities fully Formal stools"

The casual stools might make the conservative hookups uncomfortable, hence the formal ones.

"an maple flooring downstairs practice size"

 Basically to see if you like the size. Then you can extend the room.

"built in center breakfast schools"

 You will learn to make a proper brunch!

"the home unbelievable subdivision living You energy right at open mature installed"

If you put positive vibes out, a horny MILF might move in.

"storage patio gourmet bountiful bedrooms Contemporary close landscaped mattresses"

Mattresses are hotbeds of public hair. The aforementioned celebrity garden will also find someone to "landscape" your mattress.

"cabinets screened Linens"

 Do you want to put linens on your bed that have not properly been screened? I think not!


Happy to be of assistance, PODestrian Crossing!

---

Want more Craigslist translations? Listen to the podcast!

Latest episode (next one's coming up soon!): A Craigslist poster tries to sell us on perverted therapy and another has a longing prelude to sex (maybe). Plus: voice-over ads and a crime news article. Episode 119.



Monica Hamburg - "Dazed and Convicted"

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @monicahamburg @dazedconvicted 

Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted

119 - A Helping Spank and The Birds and the Beads

This time, one Craigslist poster tries to sell us on perverted therapy and another has a longing prelude to sex (maybe). Then there's a voice-over ad with such low expectations. And a second asking for help with a craaaazy plan!  And, speaking of craaaazy plans, I discuss a news article with a sex offender's completely non-transparent ruse...   

And it's still on: The contest to draw a worse logo of than the one this Fiverr guy drew of me. ( http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/  )

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Host 

• Monica Hamburg ( http://MonicaHamburg.com )


• Voice site: http://MonicaHamburgVoice.com
•  Email: monica (at ) dazedandconvicted (dot) com
• @MonicaHamburg 

--Notes--

• The worst logo ever (& a contest!): http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/ 

• These are the pictures I sent him...: http://instagram.com/p/ypIZ3CIM0q/
• I also mention a terrible date I had a teen. I tell it on an episode of "The Lapse".

--Find All Episodes--

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @DazedConvicted, 
Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

Subscribe - options
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

--Credits-- 

Current Logo-- (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

MUSIC & SFX:

Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .

Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0

Episode Photo (Below) = "Wireless Microphone" by Petr Kratochvil

Sound effects

1) Phone ring = “analogue_phone_ring_004.flac“  by lorenzosu

http://freesound.org/people/lorenzosu/sounds/72064/ 

2) “Hello” = “My sounds » hello.mp3 by AlucardsBride: http://freesound.org/people/AlucardsBride/sounds/173114/

*Demo reel credits:
Clips from:
1) Inverse Delirium #70 “Snob Appeal “ Inversedelirium.com
2) Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects (Video Game)
3) CSI: Miami (Video game) “Crack or Jack”
4) Dazed and Convicted – Episode #111
5)  Dazed and Convicted – Episode #94
6) Dazed and Convicted - Episode #115
Music: "Oppressive Gloom" by Kevin MacLeod ( incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
7) Dazed and Convicted – Episode #107  

118 - Massage Molester and An Inconvenient Orgy

An ode to manipulative perversity! This episode our Craigslist demented posts include: A man with a soft unit, more "artistic" photographers, a self-professed dull couple who may decide to have an orgy, and another kind fellow offering to altruistically fondle you.  

Also: The contest continues! Draw a worse logo of me than the one this Fiverr guy drew. ( http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/  )

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
------------------------------------------------------------------------

---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Host 

• Monica Hamburg ( http://MonicaHamburg.com )


• Voice site: http://MonicaHamburgVoice.com
•   Email: monica (at ) dazedandconvicted (dot) com
• @MonicaHamburg 

--Notes--

• The worst logo ever (& a contest!): http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/ 

• These are the pictures I sent him...: http://instagram.com/p/ypIZ3CIM0q/

--Find All Episodes--

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @DazedConvicted, 
Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

Subscribe - options
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

--Credits-- 

Current Logo-- (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

MUSIC & SFX:

Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .

Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0

Episode Photo (Below) = "Hand in Chains" by George Hodan

*Demo reel credits:
Clips from:
1) Inverse Delirium #70 “Snob Appeal “ Inversedelirium.com
2) Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects (Video Game)
3) CSI: Miami (Video game) “Crack or Jack”
4) Dazed and Convicted – Episode #111
5)  Dazed and Convicted – Episode #94
6) Dazed and Convicted - Episode #115
Music: "Oppressive Gloom" by Kevin MacLeod ( incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
7) Dazed and Convicted – Episode #107  

117 - Baby Got Flat

This time from (mostly) Craigslist, we have: an ad from an adult baby, a VHS-dependent animal lover, a man with a great idea about your bum - and flatophiles!

Plus: The logo that proves I'm from Hell...

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Host 

• Monica Hamburg ( http://MonicaHamburg.com )
• Voice-Over Demo Reels: https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/voice-over-demos 
• Email: monica (at ) dazedandconvicted (dot) com
• @MonicaHamburg 

--Notes--

• The Christian Jokes guy is in Episode 112 (This is cued up to that section at: 29:50)
• The worst logo ever (& a contest!): http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/

• Pictures I sent him: http://instagram.com/p/ypIZ3CIM0q/

Find All Episodes

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: @DazedConvicted, 
Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

Subscribe - options
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Current Logo (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

MUSIC & SFX:

Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .

Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0

"Little Bum" tune

Voice-Over Music -  Credit

•  “Green&Orange:No Water” Music by: Duncan Alex © Duncan Wheeler. On Freesound

Episode Photo (Below) = "Baby Boy in Diaper" by Karen Arnold

116 - Telepathic Tata Touching and Phenomenal Flyer Fitness

This is now the "new" Dazed and Convicted: Craigslist and other assorted horrors.

Hear Bill quit!

Also this time: Ads from breast psychics, delivery/exercise employers, a brand new killer product inventor - and more!

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Host 

• Monica Hamburg
• Voice-Over Demo Reels 
• Email: monica (at ) dazedandconvicted (dot) com
• @MonicaHamburg 

Find All Episodes

DazedandConvicted.com

Also on Soundcloud:

Full Episodes 
Minis

Twitter: @DazedConvicted, 
Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

Subscribe - options

http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 

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MUSIC & SFX:

Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .

Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0.

Bill Quitting Sounds

“bowling alley pins break 1.wav” by Tomlija  http://freesound.org/people/Tomlija/sounds/99563/

"crash.wav" by sagetyrle “http://freesound.org/people/sagetyrtle/sounds/40158/

Voice-Over Music -  Credit

•  “Green&Orange:No Water” Music by: Duncan Alex © Duncan Wheeler. On Freesound 

Photo Below = "Psychic" by Junior Libby

Podmash - LIVE with Dazed and Convicted, Sneaky Dragon and Science Us

We were honored to be a part of this live show where we did a 20 minute version of our podcast live in front of an audience along with 2 other great Vancouver podcasts.

Here's the description from the stars and organizers, Sneaky Dragon:

"Our first episode of PodMash! The brainchild of Ian Boothby, PodMash! takes three different podcasts and mashes them together into one show. Everyone was given the same subject to talk about, but everyone got to choose how they approached it. For our first episode we were joined by Monica Hamburg and Bill Allman from Dazed and Convicted and Ivan Decker and Peter Carlone from Science Us.
It was a lot of fun doing the show. Thanks to Dazed and Convicted and Science Us for coming onto PodMash! Thanks to Skinny Fat Jack’s for having us! And thanks to you, our wonderful listeners, for coming out and supporting the show!
Hooray!!!"

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