Episode 33 - Committed a Crime? Stay Away from Abusive Men and Mouse Hunters

So you killed someone with your car or are shacked up with a 13 year old...  You need to keep this secret in the bag.  But sometimes circumstances just don't allow for that.  Especially when you're an FT.  
Lovely Guest Judge & Comedian Riel Hahn joins us to met out justice this time and help us crown the most recent "FT of the Week".  (Find Riel on Facebook, Twitter and her blog.) 

And: we tell you who you chose as last week's "FT of the Week".  Plus: a very linear blog comment... 

And vote for your "favorite" FT(s) from this episode! (also below).

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Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) /
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

Episode 32 - Steal Your Date's Car or Stab Your Anger Management Classmate?

What's the etiquette for a romantic night at the movies? How are you supposed to comport yourself when attending a class about controlling your hostility?  Whose to know?  Not these FTs. It's impossible to figure out who has less impulse control here - but fortunately we have YOU! 

****** VOTE for your "favorite" FT from this episode! (via poll, commenting on this post, Facebook, Twitter, email etc. All contact info below.) Tell us who you think should be our "FT of the Week".  And, if possible, why you think they are deserving of that honor. We'll reveal the winner - and your input - on next week's show (Episode 33).**** 
And we have an invisible man and a painful site that needs support!
Merry Christmas Y'all.  

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Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) /
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

Episode 31 - Fake a Rape to Move to a Better Neighborhood or a Mugging to Placate Your Wife!

So... say you don't feel safe where you're living but your spouse is cool with the neighborhood - or you couldn't get your wife tickets to the final Oprah taping and know she'll be disappointed... Experts often suggest something like "communication" to resolve such situations.  But that is not the road an FT wants to take! After all, communication takes time and may not guarantee results. So why not fake a rape or assault? 

Because nothing brings two people closer than drama, dishonesty and FTedness!   Our esteemed Guest Judge is the fantastic comedian Jay Larson who uses his talent to crown our weekly FT winner.  He is joined by The Lurker... (Find out the identity of The Lurker by clicking here.)
And we learn how to talk dirty to a man from a wannabe Barry White. 
Buy Jay Larson's new album on iTunes or Amazon! 
And vote for your "favorite" FT(s) from this episode! (also below).

Subscribe, please! And rate us. Use any podcast service etc. (feed is here)  including  iTunes  - and please tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  And (most especially if you like us) review us on iTunes.
Twitter: @rantmehard / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants /
New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  / Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com ) / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Episode 30 - Sue Me, Sue You, Sue Your Hostage or a Dead Man's Parents, That's the Way it Should Be

So many good options for people you can sue!  How about your kidnap victims for turning you in?  They, like, totally promised they wouldn't!  Or the parents of the suicidal man you happened to run over? They probably have some energy to spare!  It's more suey-suey FTs on this episode of "The S&M Rants".   Who's more deserving of the "FT of the Week" title?  Imagine the pain of our Guest Judges, “AAlgar” and Matt Rowbotham  from "Sarcastic Voyage" as they help us crown the winner...    
Plus: Learn the tell-tale sign that you're going to get robbed by a Craiglist date.
And: Monica re-records the dollar value of the lawsuit in the first story ("$235,000") as she made no sense whatsoever in the original take and didn't realize it until editing. Yeah, you might just notice this correction.   
Big thanks to Brian Everidge (@pisquar) for sending us the Craigslist story and suggesting our wonderful guests.  Everyone: Be more like Brian! ;)  Email us or Twitter us with weird stuff, guest suggestions and/or feedback (contact details below).
Vote for your "favorite" FT(s) from this episode! (also below) 
Follow @aalgar and @robotmatt on Twitter. 





Subscribe, please! And rate us. Use any podcast service etc. (feed is here)  including  iTunes  - and please tell your inappropriate friends about us. Our site is now:rantmehard.com
Twitter: @rantmehard / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants / New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  / Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com ) / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  
 

Episode 29 - Better Relationships Through Arrests and the KKK!

When you want relationship advice, all you get is the usual counsel: respect, listening, communication. Lame! Take a page from the FT handbook: Sex is never better than while under arrest and handcuffed in the back of a cop car - and the key to a long-lasting marriage is faking a hate crime! Think we can pick which of these actions are more FTed? You know we can’t! That’s why we have the awesome guys here from “Read it and Weep”, Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox to judge the brutal stupidity.  Also, a very enticing lady makes an offer you have to refuse.  Even if it kills you.
Oh Monica has a cough. You just might notice it.
Vote for your "favorite" FT(s) from this episode! (below) 
 


Subscribe on iTunes (rate us!) and please tell your inappropriate friends about us. Our site is now: rantmehard.com
Twitter: @rantmehard / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants / New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  / Email: monica@rantmehard.com / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Episode 28 - Turn Your Feces to Gold or Frame a Bear for Murder

When you have an epic plan - nothing can stop you. If you have a scheme that involves dressing up in a bear carcass in order to kill your ex or using your excrement to make gold - there might be some obstacles. Which one will take the "FT of The Week" title? This one's a doosey... Fortunately, comedian Eric Fell is here to lend his skill and insight. And Devon Lougheed returns to read his so very gangsta teen freestyle rap.
Plus: You can now vote for the FTs! (below)


Watch Eric Fell read from the creepy "1001 Ways to be Romantic".
And we spoke to Sara Bynoe and Devon Lougheed on Episode 20.  Listen to that awesomeness.

Subscribe on iTunes (rate us!) and please tell your inappropriate friends about us - our site is now: rantmehard.com
Twitter: @rantmehard / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants / New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us!  About whatever you like!  / Email: monica@rantmehard.com / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Episode 27 - Doctor Fondler and the Facebook Oral Prankster!

Who knew FTs could be so helpful?! They’re ready to show up at your door just to check your breasts and prepared to offer you a free massage via Facebook! They’s so cuddly!
As usual, we are stumped: how can we possibly decide who will wear the FT crown this week? We are honored to have Comedian Jackie Gold as our Guest Judge to help work through our “FT of The Week” conundrum! And we have a man talking dirty confusing.
Follow: Jackie Gold on Twitter (@iamjackiegold) and on Facebook
Plus: You can now vote for the FTs!   (Below)




Subscribe on iTunes:   Rate us highly!  And please tell your inappropriate friends about us - the easy link to this site is: bit.ly/rantmehard 
Twitter: @rantmehard  / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants  / New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us!  About whatever you like!  / Email: Monica (dot) Hamburg + SM (at) gmail.com / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter) - Naw, we're not desperate for your attention... 

Episode 26 - No Meat Equals Murder!

If at first you don’t succeed - hurt some people! This week’s FTs decide to get revenge for a lack of smokes and meat. Can you blame them?! A man without a smoke is but half a man! And the man with less meat is... well, that’s pretty self-explanatory. But who is more FTed? It’s like Sophie’s Choice in here! Thankfully, our Guest Judges, Greg Vance and Ryan Downing from Stupid Wankers return for another episode to help us out with the FT conundrum - and save us from an audio mishap. And we play you a deep, soothing lullaby.



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Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca - @ShaneBee on Twitter 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com - @MonicaHamburg on Twitter

Episode 25 - Facebook, FTs, Faceplant

Like a Facebook status - or ignore it? It's your funeral! And don't miss an opportunity: friend your burglary victim - she was smokin' cute! Facebook is the FT drug of choice this time: it makes a man do crazy things! And the only people qualified to judge this level of stupidity are the guys at Stupid Wankers! We're grateful to have Greg Vance and Ryan Downing deciding on the "FT of the Week".  Also: Monica interprets a "narrative" from a Walmart customer about his 3 hour ordeal - which takes nearly the same amount of time to read.  

Want to rant? Have a pet peeve you need to vent about? Leave us a voicemail on our new Skype Rantline! "rantmehard" 
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Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca - @ShaneBee on Twitter 

Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com - @MonicaHamburg on Twitter 

Episode 24 - Get Oiled, Get Licked, Get Arrested, Get Shot Up the A!

Don't hate the game - hate the FT who oils himself up to hit on minors! Or the irresistible dude apparently possessed by a cat. A sexy, sexy cat. Which of these seductive sorcerers will take the FT crown this week?! We turn to Magician and Comedian Brian Brushwood of "Bizarre Magic", "NSFW", "Scam School" and just about everywhere else! 

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Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca - @ShaneBee on Twitter 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com - @MonicaHamburg on Twitter

Episode 23 - You Mess With The Convicted Murderer Cashier At McDonalds, You Get The Crowbar!

What's more FTed: suing for 2 cents OR for gum-induced depression? Two bizarrely litigious FTs are vying for our precious, precious distinction. Who will be deemed the FT of the Week? Our judges, Seth Wright and Zack Bennett from the "Tales from the Attic" podcast, decide! And Monica defends a crowbar convict. Plus we decide outros are intros and Hungarians... something something.

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Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca - @ShaneBee on Twitter 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com - @MonicaHamburg on Twitter

Episode 22 - What Is Wrong With The Internet?!?!?!?!

You have no one to blame for your own stupidity - except the Internet!

Warning: Internet prostitutes, husbands providing security and wanna-be mixed martial artists are a dangerous combo and Facebook makes bad things happen that the Twitter ain’t done do!  Two Internet-using FTs compete for the FT of the Week title. Our judges are Dee Simon and Lance Wackerle of the Sick And Wrong Podcast. We also read a disturbing [self-servicing] fantasy. It is bad. Really bad.
We dare you...to listen.

And, hey, look! It's the Lolcats font.  Dangerous 'companionship' has never been more uproarious.

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Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca - @ShaneBee on Twitter 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com - @MonicaHamburg on Twitter

Episode 21 - Fear the Yahtzee Reaper

Who wins at a Yahtzee game? The person who remains alive, obviously. Two EXTREME Yahtzee FTs compete for the FT of the Week title. Judged by Beth Snow. Monica rants about an imaginary insomnia affront and we lose our [fluff] by the end.

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Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca - @ShaneBee on Twitter 
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com - @MonicaHamburg on Twitter

Episode 20 - Hang Out With A Dead Body, Hide Your Pron, The Fake Hitman Cometh!

What’s more FTed: trying to get your money back because there’s no dead person - or using a dead person for drinking money? Guest judge Sara Bynoe decides! With special appearance by Devon Lougheed.

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Find us elsewhere at: @shanebee or www.shanesworld.ca and @monicahamburg or atwww.yourdoseoflunacy.com

Episode 19 - Don't Stare At The Dog & Pony Show

We talk about how body building pictures can get you killed and why you never look at anyone on a bus. We also talk about stuffing lobsters in your pants and Monica reads a very un-erotic JLo sex story. Our guest is Bill Allman who judges the FTs with legal precision.

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Episode 18 - Share Your Bathroom With A Couple of Sad Clowns

We talk about another man wanting a refund for his hooker, a mother with a clever plan, our judges are sad clowns, and we let you know how to share your bathroom with complete stinky strangers. Our guest judges are Dale Zawada and Chris Ayan from Sad Clown Radio.

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Episode 17 - TV Will Make You A Star, FT!

We talk about getting locked in your own home, a techno-dancing killer, and a little about the Slashing Tire Terrorist. Our special guests are Rob Celli and Jason Dupliessa from What Duvet Said.


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Episode 16 - Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob Banks and Squirt!

This week we talk to Bruce M Campbell about how robbing banks and giving the money back compares to robbing a gas station to pay for your restaurant bill. Monica also discusses Craigslist audition ads and how they are thinly disguised (or even explicit) pron requests.


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Episode 15 - Matzoh For Sodomites and Urine Therapy

This week we talk to Steven Schwartz about a prisoner being denied matzoh, a dose of urine therapy, and we discuss the benefits of recycling for implants with Jonathon Narvey.
 We are off next week and will return on September 1st, 2011!

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Episode 14 - Calling Mom About Ambitious FTs and Righting a Wrong With Taco Bell Wrappers

This week Monica's mom makes a special appearance. We talk about FTs who really make an effort, how Taco Bell commemorates your victim's death, and Shane doles out "SHANE'S LAW!".
Thank you to:

• What Duvet Said... (Rob & Jason) and Succotash Show (Marc).
• Courtesy Flush (Monica's on this episode.)
• Sad Clown Radio
• ...and to Beth Snow who reviewed us (very nciely!) on her blog.

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Episode 13 - The Beret Is Askew When You Kill A Drunk. Have Fun.

We talk about being inappropriate, really bad planning FTs, and an awful, awful piece of erotica in which a character wears a beret.

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